This week I am about five and a half months pregnant. Twenty-two weeks, to be exact. I've had two ultrasounds, the first of which doctor's were concerned about the possibility of my having a Bicornuate Uterus, to which I thought "Aren't things that are shaped like hearts a good thing?" Of course I was told not to worry, but after they provided a synopsis of this birth defect to my Kiwi and I you know my mind went a-wanderin'. What if the placenta attaches to a weaker spot on my uterus? I'll probably be prescribed bed rest, cool!! What if the baby is breech? I'll need a c-section, thereby avoiding the need to push a melon out of my whoo-ha. Awesome! Is Bicornuate Uterus more serious than the analysis from my twisted imagination? Sure is. There are varying degrees of severity, but something told me that I was only a little weird. Plus I'm not really capable of panic or anxiety... that little magic pill I've been taking for years keeps me on the level.
My second ultrasound needed to be taken at the hospital where the super duper special equipment was located to figure out what's doing with my innards. My Kiwi came with me to this appointment, and boy was it fun! Earlier that week Philly felt the baby squirm around which he was thrilled over, so seeing the Bambino perform the wiggle and jiggle routine its been practicing, to my knowledge, for a few months was amazing. Aside from noticing that our baby's alien-esque features are taking after the Thompson's, certainly not MY side of the family, we were given positive news. Not much to worry about with regards to the heart-shaped uterus thing. I might go into preterm labor, but who isn't told that with their first pregnancy? And Philly even managed to network with the doctor who knew his boss. Talk about killing a dozen birds with one stone. At one point I had to break it up between the good'ole doc and my husband... "Can we talk about my baby now and not the next poker night?"
Other observations over the last several months have included the following:
- If you don't think you'll enjoy the Indian food, don't eat it. Unless you feel like throwing up for the next 48 hours.
- Honey Nut Cheerios is an excellent source of nutrients for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So are sour patch kids, oatmeal, pickles, yogurt, macaroni and cheese, peanut M&M's, and cheese puffs.
- Picking out gender-neutral clothing is sweet n'all, but can't I just go with my instincts and buy boy stuff? Choosing to not find out the sex of our baby will be the best surprise ever, but the Retail Powers That Be make it difficult for us consumers.
- Brutus will not take a back seat to the Bambino. He is just as much our baby as the human kind, I don't care what you say. And something tells me he knows that his mummy is going through some changes. He's been following me around a lot, which is making me extra attached to him. We love him to bits and bits, and can't wait to video the Bambino and Brutie's first meeting. Brutie, we promise that you can still sleep on our bed for 4am cuddles, I'll still make you fresh cut-out cookies, and we'll still take you for rides on the boat.
- Sure, you can ask me if I've picked out baby names. But we're keeping that a secret too. One time we spilled the beans and told our boy name to someone who didn't know the importance of it, and my Kiwi had to stop me from cutting their tongues out with the swiss army knife I keep in my back pocket.
- Don't be alarmed if I occasionally drink a glass of wine or coffee, or eat chocolate, or continue to take my magic pill, or slap a stranger that rubs my belly, or sip from my Kiwi's gin and tonic, or forget to take my prenatal vitamin. My hearing aid senses when it needs to be turned to the mute position, and lady like training is only observed when I agree with you.
Anitra 
